Relationship in Marriage

When a man and a woman go through a marriage ceremony, God places upon them a debt they must pay. The debt is to “owe no one anything EXCEPT to love [each other]…” (Romans 13:8). A major part of this lack of love in the family is because of the man’s failure as a husband. The husband has a vital role in producing love, which is God’s nature, in a family. Because “...the husband is head of the wife, AS ALSO Christ is head of the church…” (Ephesians 5:23), a great responsibility is placed upon him by God to lay down his life for his family.

As I was walking, seeking God late one night, He revealed to me that the continual flow of love that’s needed between a husband and wife starts with the husband. Let me explain. The number one need of a man is companionship: having his wife as his playmate in those things that interest HIM and give HIM relaxation and pleasure. But that is NOT the number one need of a woman. The number one need of a woman is affection. Because the number one needs are different for a man and a woman, it presents a problem. That is, if a husband naturally expresses himself to his wife, he will overlook her needs to fulfill his own. And if a wife naturally expresses herself to her husband, she will overlook his needs to fulfill her own. A MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP IS BASED UPON SOMEONE GIVING UP HIS/HER NUMBER ONE NEED TO SATISFY THE NEED OF THE OTHER.

God said to me, “Son, My Son gave up His number one need for His bride, the Church.” Then God quoted this Scripture to me: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church AND GAVE HIMSELF FOR HER” (Ephesians 5:25). I then understood that until Jesus’ death, He did not seek to have His wife the Church to be a companion or to bring Him comfort. He gave up His own need of companionship. Instead, He poured His life into His bride, the Church.

The reason Jesus did this is so “THAT HE MIGHT SANCTIFY AND CLEANSE HER ...THAT HE MIGHT PRESENT HER TO HIMSELF A GLORIOUS CHURCH [WIFE], not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. SO HUSBANDS OUGHT TO LOVE THEIR OWN WIVES…” (Ephesians 5:26-28).

It follows that a husband is to lay aside his main need, choosing to continually meet the primary need of his wife by pouring his life into her. She, in turn, becomes the companion that the husband so desperately needs. The seed to the husband’s own need for companionship is found in the very affection he gives to his wife. This affection “seed” goes deep into the womb of his wife’s heart, germinates, and companionship is birthed toward her husband. This is the cycle of unity or oneness in a family. The husband lays aside his need for companionship and meets his wife’s need for affection. After his wife becomes pregnant with companionship from the seed of affection, she in turn becomes that loving friend the husband so desperately needs. If there is no unity or oneness in a marriage, this cycle is broken. The wife by herself is unable to produce out of herself the companionship for her husband unless there is already a common interest. The source of unity in the family flows out of the wife’s heart. However, she alone is unable to bring unity to her family no matter how hard she tries. The husband himself cannot birth unity because he only carries the seed. HENCE, THE HUSBAND MUST FIRST PLANT THE SEED OF AFFECTION IN HIS WIFE’S HEART, THEN UNITY WILL FLOW OUT AND THEY WILL BECOME ONE.

When the husband is pouring affection into his wife’s heart, she in turn becomes his companion and friend. As this is combined with an intimate sexual relationship, the marriage will be one of the most fulfilling and satisfying experiences of life. “Let the husband RENDER to his wife THE AFFECTION DUE her [Notice this happens first!], and likewise, also the wife to her husband.... " (1Corinthians 7:3-5).


There are many critical keys in this book regarding divorce, remarriage, submission, interracial marriage and relationships. Click on Divorce: God's Will? to order.